Self Love A PANACEA By Dr Meeta Nihlani

Why Me??

Why am i always rejected / abandoned ?

Why am i not able to find my true love?

Why I always land up being betrayed?

One of the most common phenomena I  deal with is a chronic pattern of dysfunctional relationships. The person’s partners share consistent similarities, such as physical and/or emotional abuse, unavailability, substance abuse,  instability, narcissism, etc. Each relationship eventually ends badly because of these repetitive dynamics.

 One part of the puzzle has to do with fear of intimacy and of the opposite sex. If we unconsciously fear the opposite sex, how can we relate intimately to them? Instead, we defend ourselves from true intimacy with thorny defenses that keep the other at arms length. Or choose partners incapable of intimacy. And, since this is done unconsciously, it becomes a repetitive pattern, undermining and sabotaging every relationship we try to create

 A child is born unique with all the potential. But in the process of growing up he learns to attach his ego ,worth , lovableness to certain external conditions like a perfect physical body, certain qualifications ,certain amount of income ,certain relationships.  Parental expectations, society conditions, peer pressure adds to agony. The child makes an unconscious attempt to rewrite his history . What we try to rewrite is typically the troubled relationship with our parents, particularly the opposite sex parent. When the early parental relationship is fraught with frustration, disappointment, rejection, abandonment, neglect or abuse, the child is in a precarious spot .

The only strategy the child has to deal with these negative situations in his life  is clinging to hope: a childish hope that, if only he can be good, perfect, smart, quiet, funny enough, etc., that will win over mom or dad and he will be loved as he needs  them to–as he is, unconditionally. The child mistakenly believes the problem with the parental interaction resides with them , and that, therefore, he has the power to control and rectify it by changing into someone more acceptable. But that becomes a trap of the ego because the reality is, the problem lies not with the child, but with the parent, who, because of his or her own psychological or situational limitations, is unable or unwilling to provide the love, structure and acceptance all children require to thrive–and deserve. These negative emotions often are experienced in the body behavior “ Vital Sensations”. We can heal ourselves when we are mindful of these sensations in times of deep sadness.

Here I would like to cite an example of my case cured with Homeopathy of a child of Idiopathic Thrombocytic Purport  an auto immune disease in which there is bleeding tendency from every orifice of the body. He underwent even Splenectomy, but his prognosis was grave. He was seven years old and during his bleeding episodes used to cup his mouth and nose with bedsheets, curtains ,pillows so that his mother’s sleep was not disturbed. What was he trying to do? He was trying to be a good caring child of his mother.  When I tried to go to the root of his pathology and his behavior , I found a serious conflict between his parents. The mother used to curse the child when she was pregnant and secretly wanted an abortion to happen. She used to hit her womb, as she did not want to concieve her husbands child in her womb, whom she hated for being aggressive. The child had experienced severe rejection in womb itself. He will have to bear the cross of being “not wanted” for the rest of his life. His destiny was deeply etched in his psyche and his personality will be of a people pleaser and going to any extent to seek love. Love is always the answer to healing of any sort and the pathway to love is forgiveness.

The most important relationship in our lives is our relationship to ourselves. The root of all the mental , rather any illness is the feeling of “ I am not good  enough” ,self criticism and a set of belief systems which are self sabotaging. The good news is , we can get over it as they are just thoughts in our minds and they can be  changed with conviction and perseverance. 

The first key question we must ask ourselves is whether we love ourselves  conditionally or unconditionally?

If you don’t have  unconditional self love within, you end up seeking it from outside. Love then becomes a Survival need .

You enter in a life long imprisonment of seeking love and approval from outside. Hunting for love never brings the right partner.It only creates a longing and unhappiness.Love is never outside us: Love is within us. Don’t be deperate for love and settle for anybody just to have someone.Set your standards. What kind of love do you want to attract ? Just be aware of any blocks you have created against love. Self criticism, feelings of unworthiness,unreasonable standards, fear of intimacy can be acting as self created blocks.  

In essence , you want love, but you don’t need love. Unconditional self love is based on the understanding that we have worth and we are lovable because God created us. It is the child like spirit of happiness within us, which is absolutely unconditional.

In other words our worth and lovableness are a spiritual inheritance. Ideally , One experiences Love by deeply engaging with Life itself,  , allowing oneself to receive so much of God”s love that one is complete and whole within one self. It is this over flowing Love within  , which spills outside  to  others. It is experiencing the Gifts of God with heightened perception being grateful for each moment .

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts. There is a fine line between selfishness and self love. Selfishness is being self centred and Self love is being centered in self.

Self Love is the panacea of all healing.

“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the some kindness, concern, and support  when faced with difficult life struggles, or confronting personal mistakes, failures, and inadequacies. Self-compassion responds with kindness rather than harsh self-judgment, recognizing that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.” 

Energy follows the intention. You can choose to plant positive affirmative thoughts about yourself. The seed is the new affirmation. The soil you plant is your subconscious mind. Nourishing it daily will positivity will manifest the new “you”. Happy feelings attract happy circumstances. Connecting to the nature, birds, plants , flowers ,the oceans, the mountains, the sunlight in the mornings ,the fluffy clouds in the sky, the shiny raindrops , every thing around reflects back love when you are vibrating with the frequency of Love.

Lastly but not the least…

Love is not an emotion, It’s a Vibration.

Love is not just verb; it is a sacred experience.

Service is Love in action.

Love Just Is..

Its a frequency that you vibrate

Its a gift from the source, from all that is!

You are a Gift yourself, waiting to be unfolded!!

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance– Oscar Wilde