Why Mars and Venus collide By Aastha Nihlani

I recently read a book called Why Mars and Venus collide by John Gray, who was an American relationship counsellor, lecturer and author. 

There was a time when men and women functioned in two separate worlds. But in today’s hectic and career-oriented world, relationships have become a lot more complicated and men and women are facing unprecedented levels of stress. To make matters worse, men and women don’t even know that they’re hardwired to react to stress differently. 

In Why Mars and Venus Collide, Gray focuses on the ways that men and women misinterpret and mismanage the stress in their daily lives, and how these reactions ultimately affect their relationships.

Some of the most important points I felt were:

  • Our brains might’ve developed the way they did because in the primitive times, cavemen and cavewomen had very defined roles. Men were great at hunting because of strong navigational skills. They depended on themselves to find their home. Women, on the other hand, stayed home and formed emotional attachments with children and other women. To this day, faced with stress, men often become quiet. Aa a result, they go to their cave and recover on their own. While women have adapted by learning to talk about their problems. That way its easier for them to get support. 

These adaptations have taken thousands of years to occur. It is unrealistic to expect our brains to suddenly change. 


  • It is already known that the left brain is responsible for logic, rationality and problem solving, where as the right brain is responsible for creativity and emotions. It is believed that in most men, the left brain is stronger and the right brain for most women. This is why women deal with situations more emotionally. It can be observed that, after an argument, women want to talk about their feelings whereas the men want to jump to the conclusion. You might’ve heard that the husbands/ boyfriends are the best ones to share secrets with, they’ll never tell anyone because they arent even listening haha. It might make women to believe that men don’t care. But it’s the opposite. They care so much that they want to solve their problem as soon as possible because they can’t see them that way. Their “problem solving” behaviour might be misinterpreted by the women.


  • The structure of our brains can be classified into white matter and grey matter. The grey matter is responsible for the memory, decision making, self control. Whereas the white matter coordinates between the left and the right brain. There is more of the grey matter in men’s brain and more of white matter in women’s. It is the reason why men, when focused on on one thing, fail to think about other important things.  Women’s brain is literally everywhere all the time. This is why, it’s easier for men to move on with things. Once they indulge in their work, there’s nothing stopping them. When wife asks her husband to get bread on his way from work, it’s ok that he forgets because his brain might be working in some other direction at the moment. Even when asked about how their day went, it’s not that he doesn’t want to share, its just that it might not occur to him what it is that could be shared. They listen while the women share. 

I read this book and I felt like all of this is so important and should be known by everyone. If our genes have stood still our social changes have not. We can barely keep up with the frenzied pace of our lives and our relationships.

Relationships could go so much smoother if everyone knew this and understood this. This could help us be so much more supportive and connected to our significant others.